2010

It has been a rough start for me man. I am jobless, gaining weight like crazy, lost one of my best friends, lost love and started to gain weight like crazy. Basically I lost my "swagg." Today I said that to a friend and she laughed becasue she couldn't believe that. To her, I am a ball of fun, constant laughs and smiles. I miss being myself and It may seem stupid to some people and logics to others but when i'm not making my own money I feel like a bum. I cannot depend on a man for money, I don't even like depending on my mom.

There are some girls i look at and just want to know what gives them their "swagg". Is it there looks? their smarts? or the fact that they have a strong support system? I know I am a great person but I want to feel like I am again.

Losing things you love makes you sort of doubt who you are and what you have to offer sometimes.

Dreams

I have never been one to believe in dreams but I had the weirdest experience yesterday that has me wonderig... hab
On Sunday I had a dream that my friends mom (whom I have NEVER met seeing that she lives in America) came to my house screaming at him that his friendship with me was a distraction. I would pass this lady on  the road because I have only seen pictures but there she was in my dream as clear as day.
So...I called said friend yesterday only to hear that his mom is coming today (TWILIGHT ZONE or coincidence). I have had the  normal deja vu about minor stuff but this really really got me. hearing creepy music.
So I am starting to wonder if dreams are actually direct messages from God or our subconscious mind showing us our worst fears.