The Grass Ain't always greener on the other side

It is so true that life is not always greener on the other side. After 8 months of doing the same thing over and over again, I decided to apply for a different post and got through. However, I have never felt so stressed and unaccomplished in my life. I am not a perfectionsit and this job requires perfection and loads of self confidence. Don't get me wrong, I'm a confident person but my office doesn"t really allow you to feel comfortable in your role as you see people get fired for the simplest of acts on a daily basis. I guess the only reason I have no lost complete hope is because I do believe in God and his love for me. Otherwise, I'd be off my rockers by now. It all feels like a game of pretense and pretty soon reality will shed some light on me.
I have decided to reintroduce fun  and service in my life. I started by deciding to join a Rotoract club and I plan to follow through with it 100%. I have been giving up to easy lately and I'm going to stop that self defeating practice ASAP.
Til my next trip dowm crazy row. XOXO

'Twas the Season for the Uber Fabulous People I Work With

Any one that knows me well knows I HATE Christmas!!!! Yes I'm a Grinch but i never go around stealing other people's Christmas joy, I just keep to myself. However, on December 23rd, I decided to put my Grinch ways on pause and attend my office party and can I tell you!!! It was a fabulous time!!! Wyndam was the perfect location for the party and Club Privilege the perfect after spot. To note Club Privilege is now my favourite club in Kingston (I need to redevelop a relationship with the Quad...lol). Why continue to talk...pics can speak so  much louder. 

What is it?

Is it true feelings for you or low self confidence why I back down?
Is it that though it tears me up inside, the thought of you being happy with her is enough to make me fight this battle that rages within?
I know that I can make you happy but the thing is she was there first so whether I like it or not, it is what it is
I wish something would let you see me as the one you would like to build a relationship with that would last awhile and maybe produce a few kids
But then I think how sad she would be and then I remember that I am strong enough to handle the pain of not having you but I don't know if she could
Who does that anyhow? Who sits and writhe with pain?
Who allows you to sleep with her and not allow herself to fully let go for the fear of her not being able to let you go?
Who remembers every little thing and smiles because all she sees is the youth you were evolve into the man you have become?
She is me and I am her
The one that let's you in and shuts out screams of ecstasy and joy because the little boy that is now a man has come back to bring out the little girl trapped in this woman....
What is it? Who am I? How can the devil in me persuade me to be a bitch? While the angel of light still riles my conscious being?
What is it? Happiness and guilt mixed...
The little girl trapped in the woman is fighting strong feelings for the boy that has evolved into the man. What is it? The beginning or the end? The beginning of the end and the end of a beginning that started with a kiss and will end in a shattered heart.
Though I think I am woman enough to manage....the truth is the little girl has a heart of glass that she knows is about to be broken by the boy that has evolved into a man. And it is what it is.

What the Hell?!!

I love my country immensely but some days I shake my head in despair at how little respect others have for this beautiful Rock. How do people go through life being so frigid and lack common decency?
For the past few days my heart has sank to the lowest point it has in recent days because of the heart-wrenching news of the shooting of Oneil Edwards (1/3 of the group Voicemail). When I heard, I put myself and my friends in that position and I become absolutely petrified. Home is the place where your suppose to be safe and the thought of being attacked at home just chills me to the core. I mean it is the last place you expect to be watching your back....And as if Oneil's shooting wasn't enough, last night Cobra was shot. I was livid because he lives down the road from me in my Housing Scheme!!! I found it strange that I didn't hear a gunshot, then the reports confirmed that he was actually shot in the community across the main road. However, that still was no real comfort because it was a stones throw away from my home .

WHY WHY WHY???!!! are these idiots doing this  to such a wonderful country??????

On a lighter note, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Drake's new video!!!!!!!